so here i am
so here i am, all alone sitting in my apartment in san francisco feet freezing, kinda uncomfortable and very board..
yes thats right i have a place praise God. and the thing about it is that i had it the moment i walked into the city. God was faithful to provide, looking back i can see how some people would think it unwise to commit to moving with no Job, house but i had complete peace about moving. now i feel different, kinda scared and lonely. afraid of my idleness and praying God keep me from the evil one in this city. man the last few days i have felt so tempted, so enticed towards sin… an uneasiness is welling up within me, with this idleness i can feel my old man, and how much room he has in there. been reading “over coming sin and temptation” by John Owens learning how i have power to kill my sin, but by the spirit i am to over come. oh man, i feel so dead. so unoriginal i guess i have always tried to be original. now i feel generic. maybe god is breaking me of that, maybe God is stripping me of all things. maybe he is bringing me to bare bones and then breathing his spirit into me and making these bones walk and talk. i am here the city where i have felt God calling me for the last two years and i feel so intimidated, such like a puppy dog away from its mother, it an unsteadying feeling. God has shown me so many pitfalls in this city, that if not for the grace and mercy of God, i will fall into. i need jesus. i need prayer. this city needs jesus, this city needs prayer. we’re so alike, all of us. we have been weighed and tried and have been found wanting, the ground is level at the cross. i want this city to be free, i want us to see the beauty of Christ and the glory of his grace. i want the love of Christ to be real in this city. i want God to show up in this City. to Dwell in this city.
so here i am God. Here i am and here i will be. please pour out your spirit God.
